Sounds decent. I had a little go at translating some of the stuff he was saying there.
Throughout my career, I have led businesses undergoing transformation and growth, and I am excited to now apply that experience to a club with the heritage, ambition and global potential of Everton.
Translation: I've had this nonsense role in a bunch of companies who are yet to go under and now another business called Everton have given me a bunch of money to get as much money out of you as possible
My responsibility is simple in principle, though ambitious in scope: to help Everton grow commercially and ensure we are maximising the enormous platform we now have at our disposal – most notably, our incredible waterfront stadium.
Translation: GIVE US YOUR MONEY. THOSE BLUE DOUGHNUTS ARE GOING TO BE £12 BABY!
First and foremost, I want to recognise the excellent progress already made by colleagues at Everton. Thanks to the enormous effort of so many across the Club, we proudly play our football at the best stadium in the Premier League. It’s because of this that the team have been able to attract prestigious Founding Partners such as Pepsi, Budweiser, Castore, Christopher Ward, Seat Unique and Aramark, alongside the fantastic support that Hill Dickinson provide us as stadium naming rights partner.
Translation: The club has so far managed to get a reasonable amount of money out of you lot because the stadium is class and it's the first season and see these massive twat companies we've got on board? They won't stay forever unless you GIVE US YOUR MONEY!!!!
These partnerships are not only commercially important, they reflect the ambition, drive and stature of this football club.
Translation: Please. For the love of God. Buy their stuff! GIVE US YOUR MONEY!
It has provided us with a world-class platform to attract global brands, expand our premium offering and unlock new opportunities on both matchdays and non-matchdays.
You know what my favourite ABBA song is? MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
And, as a proud Scot myself, I’m especially looking forward to welcoming the Tartan Army when they join us in March.
Translation: I've never been to a football match in my life
Importantly, this new chapter in our Club’s history has also allowed us to give Everton Women a permanent home at Goodison Park – a historic ground now dedicated to the Women’s team. That commitment underlines our belief that growth must support the whole Club and ensures that both our Men’s and Women’s teams have platforms befitting their ambition.
Translation: Remember when we kept Goodison? Yeah, we can get rid of it when we want if you don't GIVE US MONEY and get watching the women matches
But commercial growth is not about headlines or balance sheets alone. It directly underpins what happens on the pitch. Every commercial agreement we secure, every event we host at our new home and every traditional or newly-sourced revenue stream we enhance or develop strengthens our ability to invest in our Men’s and Women’s teams, our recruitment strategy, our Academy and the infrastructure that supports elite performance.
Translation: Waffle waffle jargon waffle sniff it you peasants and give us your money ffs
Angus and our ownership have made clear that commercial revenue is to be reinvested into football operations. That means stronger commercial performance translates into greater flexibility in squad building, improved resources for coaching and performance staff, and the financial resilience required to compete in the world’s best league under modern financial regulations
Translation: GIVE US YOUR MONEY OR WE'LL GIVE MYKOLENKO A NEW CONTRACT
Success on the pitch will, in turn, help grow our commercial portfolio, expand our fanbase and further leverage the opportunities presented by the stadium. It is a virtuous cycle once achieved – but it begins with building strong commercial foundations.
Translation: Yes most of the team is shit and it's ballache to get to the ground but you know Europe? Might happen one day you know. Only if you do one thing though. GIVE US YOUR MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
